


momentarily

by maniacish (zzdreamt), zzdreamt



Category: Love Simon (2018), Love Victor (TV 2020)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Dorks in Love, Emotions, Fluff, Gay, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Oops, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Post-Season/Series 01, Underage Drinking, Venji - Freeform, gay relationship, my dramatic descriptions of settings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:40:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25909003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zzdreamt/pseuds/maniacish, https://archiveofourown.org/users/zzdreamt/pseuds/zzdreamt
Summary: Benji still has some inner demons, and it’s about time the two boys find someone to take care of them.tw for underage alcoholismupdates random lmao, whenever I finish the next chapter B)
Relationships: Benjamin "Benji" Campbell/Victor Salazar, Lake Meriwether/Felix Weston, Mia Brooks/Andrew Spencer
Comments: 19
Kudos: 36





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I love this show... I relate to so many of the characters and everyone is hot 😔 NOT THAT IM HOT LMAO, ANYWAYS I wanted to get this idea out... sorry if it’s been done before, I’m hoping it’s different from anything else!  
> also, Benji gives me Junior vibes... so he’s a junior in this fic
> 
> Thanks for reading :) pls pay attention to the underage alcoholism warning!

Somewhere between the rich and poor sides of Creekwood, in a home tucked away between other sun-baked roofs, a single window was open to the crisp southern night. Moonlight shone through the slit in the curtain, which gently fluttered away from the window with every slight breeze. And the breeze— it carried in the scent of sun-warmed peaches, mixing with smells of coffee, sweat, and youth. On the roof of that home, a young man had leaned back on the cooling tiles to watch thin clouds slide over the pale moon. His eyes were sharp and his hair held back with a copious amount of gel— he lifted a single glass of amber liquid, whiskey tonight, to his light cherry lips and stilled for a moment. The liquor burned down his throat, but as the sting faded, it left behind a taste like grilled peaches served with vanilla ice cream at a family or neighborhood barbecue. 

It had been a while since Benji had attended a barbecue, so the memory was bittersweet. The last time, his mom was still alive, and he was still having major battles with internalized homophobia. He still had a good relationship with his dad… with the rest of his family.

A specific memory came to his mind, in which he had fallen in love with his best friend during the school year of 8th grade. That summer, on July 4th, he and his friend somehow ended up holding hands under a blanket while they watched fireworks go off. The whole neighborhood was out for the barbecue… including some girl his parents had been trying to set him up with. When she tried to squeeze between them, she instead ended up falling on their joined hands and crying out in shock. Fortunately, his parents hadn’t been around… but there were enough disapproving glances to let him know that he was considered strange. Now, he looked down at the liquid distraction in his hand and grimaced. 

If Victor, or his father, or anyone found out about his renewed “coping mechanism…”

The sound of his phone ringing drew him out of his head. He quickly set the glass aside and ran a hand through his hair before picking up. 

The screen made a little sound as Victor’s face suddenly took up the empty space. 

“Hey babe,” Benji greeted with a small smile. “It’s pretty late… is everything okay?”

Victor flushed slightly at the pet name. They had been dating for a few months now, and to him, it was still like the moment they had their first kiss.

“Yeah, everything’s fine… I was just wondering if you were awake. If you need to go back to whatever you were doing-“

“No,” Benji interrupts him, shaking his head and smiling slightly. “You weren’t interrupting anything,” he finished, a little softer. His eyes flicked over to the unfinished glass of whiskey, and his hand followed to dump it onto the roof. It dribbled down into some rose bushes his mother had planted before she… well.

“Oh, ok. Cool,” Victor responded, and bit his lip for a moment. “Everything okay on your end?”

Benji smiled reassuringly and nodded. “Peachy.”

Fortunately, he hadn’t had too much to drink by the time his boyfriend called. At least, he hoped Victor couldn’t tell. The boy had undoubtedly witnessed some form of drunkenness at the school parties he had been to, but Benji wasn’t chugging solo cups sloshing over with alcohol. He should be ok. 

“Are you doing anything tomorrow?” Victor asked, drawing Benji out of his head. 

“I don’t think so,” Benji replied, leaning back on his arms. “Have something planned after school?”

Victor smiled and shrugged. “Not really. I was just wondering if you wanted to hang out in person. I know we see each other at school, but… y’know.” His smile faltered a little.

Benji felt his heart break a little at the implied end of that sentence. _But, we don’t act like we’re together in front of everyone else because I’m not ready to come out yet._ And of course, he completely understood. He wouldn’t force Victor to come out just for the sake of publicizing their relationship. Besides, they were both happy that they somehow hadn’t ended up on creeksecrets yet, and that only a few people knew that their relationship was official. The only people who knew were Mia, Lake, Felix, Victor’s parents, Pilar, Benji’s dad, and… Andrew. Sure, he was pissed at Victor for cheating on Mia the night of the Spring Fling. But neither of them really thought he was mean enough to out Victor and expose their relationship to the school. 

“Yeah… of course.” He smiled. “I’d love to. I can bring coffee and my laptop to watch something, if you want?”

“Awesome, yeah.” Victor returned the smile and paused to study Benji’s face on his screen. “You’re so beautiful.”

Benji felt his cheeks blush pink at the random compliment, but he internally composed himself enough to respond. “As are you.”

To him, it looked like Victor’s eyes were watering a little at the exchange. It might’ve just been the lighting, but he also knew that after Victor came out of the closet… things had been a little rocky. His father spewed a variety of homophobic slurs and statements at him before grabbing a suitcase and storming out of the house. His mother burst into tears, but now out of sadness— but because she felt horrible for all the things he had been hearing about the LGBTQ+ community in their home. Pilar was shocked and hurt that he had kept such a huge secret from her, especially since she trusted him more than anyone, but was accepting nonetheless. Victor hadn’t gone to school for a few days after that, and when he did, he met up with Benji in a private place under the bleachers in the football field and they simply embraced each other. 

“I- thanks,” Victor stuttered in reply. 

_I love you,_ Benji thought. _You deserve better._

“Always,” he said instead. 

There was a pause. The two of them simply admired each other from a distance before Victor cleared his throat. “I should probably… go to bed.” He swallowed thickly. “In case my mom comes in, or something.”

“You could-“ Benji gulped and closed his eyes for a moment. “We could stay on FaceTime, if you want… we don’t have to talk. Just like... be there for each other.” 

Victor’s smile returned to his face. “I would like that,” he whispered. “Goodnight, Benji.”

“Goodnight Victor.”

The sound of covers and sheets rustling came from Victor’s end, signifying him getting into bed. It was late anyway, so Benji carefully stood on the roof and quietly picked up the glass before climbing back in through his window. Expertly, as he had done too many times before, he slipped into the kitchen and stuck the glass into the dishwasher. Back in his bedroom, he flopped onto his bed and let out a quiet sigh. Victor breathed steadily on the other end, likely already asleep. 

Benji felt his heart ache at the sound. He longed for things to be easier for the two of them, for them not to have to hide their relationship out of fear. He longed to be there with his boyfriend, tangled together with him, listening to his heartbeat.

_Tomorrow,_ he reminded himself. 

He longed for _that_ coping mechanism to replace his relapse. But he couldn’t just burden Victor like that… the boy was dealing with enough as it was. So, he slid his phone onto his nightstand and closed his eyes, hoping that the tightness in his chest would be gone in the morning. 

* * *

The school day had gone by painfully slow, the only interaction between Victor and Benji being small glances in the hallway between classes. When they were finally granted a sliver of privacy in Victor’s car while waiting for Pilar, they shared a tender kiss. Benji immediately felt some of the knots in his stomach fade away as his boyfriend embraced him, albeit awkwardly, over the console between the driver and passenger seats. The feeling of the clutch digging into his side was lost in the haze of Victor’s lips gently nipping at his, and his hand slowly digging deeper into his hair…

Suddenly, there was a loud knocking on the window. Immediately, Victor and Benji split, startled by the intrusion. Pilar was standing there, an annoyed expression on her face, tugging at the door handle so it snapped back with a loud _‘clack’_ . “ _Please_ don’t fuck in the car,” she yelled through the glass. “No more kissing.”

Benji let out a breathy laugh of relief as Victor scoffed and unlocked the door for his sister. “No promises, Pilar,” Victor teased, earning a smack on the back of the head and another, fuller laugh from Benji. 

On their way back to the Salazar apartment, Victor and Benji stopped at Brasstown and picked up some coffees for the afternoon. Pilar ran across the street to a convenience store to buy some snacks and microwave ramen for dinner. Isabel was away with Adrian for the weekend and had left an extensive list of rules and guidelines for her teenage children to follow. Of course, they were more than likely to break at least one of the rules (ie not letting Pilar blast her music and having Victor set up the couch for Benji… an agreement had formed between the two siblings so they could both get around those limitations). 

After finally getting home and eating dinner in front of the TV with Rupaul’s Drag Race playing, Pilar shoved her headphones over her ears and isolated herself in her room. In Victor’s room, he and Benji set up some chill music and laid back on the bed. Their hands found each other and tangled over the blankets as the two simply basked in the moment. Victor’s room smelled like cinnamon, coconut, and cologne. To Benji, there were no memories tied to these yet… and the opportunity was _invigorating_ . So, he turned over, momentarily forgetting about any troubles in his life, and resumed the kiss he and Victor had been sharing in the school parking lot. He didn’t want to press Victor into going any further than kissing and cuddling together, but Benji couldn’t escape the way he was so drawn to this boy. Sure, he had loved Derek. He loved the good times they had together… but when they were together, it had been a long time since a good moment wasn’t somehow ruined. He tried not to dwell on the past, however, and instead deepened the kiss he was sharing with the current special person in his life. Victor let out a little _umph!_ at the increased intensity put into their makeout session, but eventually reciprocated and, like before, his hand moved to grip Benji’s hair. 

Victor had never felt more confident in his sexuality than when he was with Benji, just living in the moment and rolling with whatever came his way. Witnessing his father’s reaction to him coming out had been a major blow to his confidence, but after long talks with his friends and Benji, he began to accept that he just didn’t need that negativity in his life. As Simon had been saying to him, he deserved a great love story, no matter how it was formed. 

There were a lot of things he was still figuring out, of course. He wasn’t quite sure if he was ready for anything too physical with Benji. And yet, they had both somehow lost their pants in the heated exchange. 

Benji’s lips were soft and warm, and his hands were hot on Victor’s waist. His hair was so long and satisfying to run a hand through, and his _body-_

His hands were slowly sliding up until they cradled Victor’s face and gently pushed their lips apart. Hot, heavy breaths met between the two mouths. Smiles formed and more air was expelled as quiet laughter was exchanged. 

Benji flopped back next to Victor and tangled their fingers together. For a moment, they simply just stared at the ceiling in silence and gently massaged each other’s hands. Eventually, Victor turned his head to observe his boyfriend. His eyes were closed and his lips were parted ever so slightly, drawing in a breath every few seconds. 

Victor smiled at the simple action and gently leaned down to press a kiss to Benji’s forehead. The boy’s eyes flickered open and met his own. Victor swallowed thickly and sniffed a little, his heart swelling with all the emotions he was feeling. Silently, he pulled Benji into his arms. Their legs tangled together instantly. 

The sound of Victor’s pulse thrummed in Benji’s ears, and he momentarily forgot about everything and everyone else in the world. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I fought a LOT with what to include in this chapter... I wanted to update for y’all... but all I can get in here is a little filler to set things up for the plot. 
> 
> PLEASE PLEASE read the info and warnings below!! They will also be at the beginning of the fic for anyone who skips the notes
> 
> Thanks for reading and for leaving such lovely comments! You motivated me to keep writing! <3
> 
> IMPORTANT! PLS READ! TIME CHANGE - THIS FIC TAKES PLACE DURING THE SCHOOL YEAR AFTER SEASON ONE!! LAST CHAPTER DURING BEGINNING OF THE NEW SCHOOL YEAR AND CONTINUING FROM THERE (SO IN THIS FIC VICTOR IS A JUNIOR, BENJI IS A SENIOR, PILAR IS A SOPHOMORE, ETC)
> 
> ALSO TW// talks of alcoholism, PTSD, flashbacks, implied su*c*dal thoughts, general angst shhsgs

**IMPORTANT! PLS READ!** TIME CHANGE - THIS FIC TAKES PLACE DURING THE SCHOOL YEAR **AFTER** SEASON ONE!! LAST CHAPTER DURING BEGINNING OF THE NEW SCHOOL YEAR AND CONTINUING FROM THERE (SO IN THIS FIC VICTOR IS A JUNIOR, BENJI IS A SENIOR, PILAR IS A SOPHOMORE, ETC)

 **ALSO TW//** talks of alcoholism, PTSD, flashbacks, implied su*c*dal thoughts general angst shhsgs 

Benji knew he was losing precious sleep by staying on the rooftop all night and trying to swallow the urge to finish off his secret stash of liquor. He knew that people could tell that he was severely sleep-deprived when observing the dark circles under his eyes and the extra thermos of coffee he brought to school in the morning. However, watching the night slip past in front of his very eyes and letting the chill air sink deep into his skin made him feel safe. Like when he was with Victor, and didn’t need anything to numb his memories. Plus, he had the perfect playlist going, and there’s no feeling you can’t somehow label with music. 

The weekend had gone by too fast— before he knew it, Isabel was back at the apartment and making dinner for her family, plus Benji. She always insisted that he was a part of their family now. Now, it was Monday morning, and he was back on the rooftop, and he would be going to school soon. Where he couldn’t be around Victor like he could in private, where he kept multiple major secrets from a lot, if not all of the people there. 

Benji sighed into the night and closed his eyes, letting himself drift deeper into his mind. 

A new song began playing through his phone’s speaker. 

_Drifting in and out, you see the road you're on_

_It came rolling down the cheek_

_Say just what you need_

_And in between, it's never as it seems..._

He closed his eyes and let the music surround him.

_Help me to name it_

_Help me to name it_

_If you built yourself a myth_

_You’d know just what to give…_

Suddenly, he couldn’t breathe. It felt like invisible walls were closing in on him, tighter and tighter until he was gasping for air, clawing at his sleeves. Harsh sobs wracked his body until there were no tear left for him to expel, and all he could do was heave and cry out, the sounds falling on deaf ears. 

_Why- why did I go out that night? Just for some fucking fast food? How could I… How… Was I really that stupid?_

Benji curled up tighter around himself, his fingers digging deep into his arms through the fabric of his hoodie.

And then, somewhere in the distance, a car alarm sounded.

Benji’s heart, previously racing, screeched to a halt. A deep, bone-rattling shiver ran up his spine. 

_His brain was screaming at his foot to slam the brake. At his hands to jerk the wheel away from the fast-approaching building, to listen to all the horns blaring around him and people shouting at him to get off the road. But no— the car kept going, and all he was doing was staring blankly at his hands on the wheel._

_Maybe it would be a chance for him to feel something other than emptiness in his mind from the many ounces of alcohol sloshing in his stomach._

_Then, he was surrounded by all sorts of noise. Glass shattered, metal scratched and screamed, people shouted in surprise and fear. His head went back and forth, and—_

A gasp tore itself from Benji’s lips. He stilled for a moment. 

The world moved quietly in front of his very eyes, but none of it was processed.

He simply hung his head between his knees and wept until the sun rose. 

* * *

School went by as it normally did, other than the fact that Benji was utterly exhausted, both physically and mentally. He ate lunch with Mia, Lake, Felix, Victor, and Pilar. He silently observed the tension that still hung heavily between Mia and Victor, but relaxed when Victor laced their fingers together under the table. There were rumors of a party being planned in the near future, possibly the weekend after spirit week, but nothing was confirmed. That didn’t stop the buzz from spreading throughout the school, all while keeping things quiet around any adults. 

After school, Victor and Benji went to work accompanied by Lake and Felix. Of course, Lake couldn’t help but finally remove her gossip censor, which included plenty about currently absent friends. 

“...and she’s _still_ not getting with him. Like, how many times does he have to do something romantic af for her to give in?” 

“I’m sure she’s just taking time for herself,” Benji supplied. “She went through a lot in a short period of time… it’s probably good for her to surround herself with friends instead of throwing herself into another relationship.”

Victor shifted uncomfortably by the espresso machine. Felix glanced over at his friend, who slipped into the bathroom, before lowering his voice slightly. “How’s Victor doing? With… everything?” 

Benji sighed. While Mia was still an integral part of their friend group, she and Victor hadn’t exactly spoken about what had happened between them. They just kind of let it fade into the past, and it created some awkward tension when the topic of relationships came up (especially since Mia was the only single person in the group). 

“I think he’s doing okay in terms of family… I know it was very important to him that his mom was accepting and that their relationship was strengthened rather than destroyed. I mean, it’s been awhile, but obviously he’s still upset about his father,” Benji took a deep breath. “But I think he felt that it would happen that way. We talked about it more right after it happened, and I think he’s doing well with that right now.”

He sighed again. 

“And I think we all know how it’s going with Mia.”

Lake groaned and rolled her eyes. “Maybe it’s better if they just leave it the way it is… I think it’ll be good for Mia to find someone so she’s not the third wheel to two different couples.” 

An awkward silence fell between the three of them until the bell at the front door rang and a customer came in. Benji returned to the desk and took their order, only momentarily distracted by Victor exiting the bathroom and going back to cleaning the countertops. He sighed internally and maneuvered around Victor to make the customer’s order, painfully aware of the frustrated energy emanating off of his boyfriend.

As soon as the stranger left with their order, Benji turned to Victor and put his hand over his to stop him from aggressively rubbing at a stain. 

“Hey,” he said simply. “You okay?” 

Victor sighed and stopped scrubbing. “Did I… is there no hope for me and Mia having a good friendship?”  
Benji processed the question and turned Victor’s palm over in his hand, studying the lines and creases. “I can’t tell you for sure,” he answered quietly, honestly. “I don’t talk to any of my ex-girlfriends. But I wasn’t in the same situation as you.” He looked up into Victor’s genuine gaze. 

“You were still figuring yourself out when you were with Mia, and I don’t think she’s mad at you for being gay. I think she’s mad that she didn’t figure it out sooner, and definitely that she found out by seeing us kiss during the dance.” 

Victor bit his lip and exhaled heavily through his nose. “You’re right,” he said quietly. “I should talk to her, huh?”  
Benji nodded and smiled sympathetically. “I would offer to come with you, but I think she’s overwhelmed as it is. But she’s a good friend, and she’s stuck around, so I think you’ll be able to sort things out.” He winked and continued. “After all… you’re kinda famous for your problem-solving, right?”  
Victor laughed and playfully swatted Benji on the shoulder. “I guess.” He quieted down and met his boyfriend’s eyes. “Thanks, B.”

Benji pecked his cheek and followed it with a little pat. “Always.” 

“And you?” Victor questioned. “How are you holding up? I know we both have a habit of putting other people’s problems before our own…” 

“I’m alright, Vic… I promise.”

“Okay…” Victor gently brought him in for another kiss. “If you say so. But I’m always here for you, okay?” 

Benji smiled, an unexplainable emotion behind it. “I know.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song - Myth by Beach House (a personal fav)
> 
> Did you catch the reference/opposite reference (?? lmao) to the title??


End file.
